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| last time i posted i was pissed off and angry at the world!! but now im like the opposite!! im so completly happy and satisfied with my life and love where its going! im pretty sure i forgot how to even use xanga... sorrry people myspace is where its at!! lol and i probably wont get any comments bc i havent in like forever and no one uses this thing anymore! but yeah... thats all! alex | | |
| "Bulimic"
From the way that you acted
to the way that I felt it
It wasn't worth my time
and now it's sad cause all I missed
wasn't that good to begin with
and now that I've started you begging
saying things that you don't mean
it isn't worth my time
a line's a dime a million times
and I'm about to see all of them
Goodbye to you, goodbye to you, you're taking up my time
Goodbye to you, goodbye to you
You call my name when I wake up
to see things go your way
I'm coughing up my time
each drag's a drop of blood a grain
a minute of my life
it's all I've got just to stay down
why the fuck am I still down
I'm hoarding all that's mine
each time I let just one slip by
I'm wasting what is mine
Goodbye to you, goodbye to you, you're taking up my time
Goodbye to you, goodbye to you
I'm about to see a million things
I thought I'd never see before and I
I'm about to do all of the things
I've dreamed of and
I don't even miss you at all
Goodbye to you, goodbye to you, you're taking up my time
goodbye to you
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| Things in my life at the moment are kinda slow and boring...everything right now is wierd. I feel alone but at the same time filled with encouregment. From people i wouldnt even expect it from. Then there are people completly missing. This is probably the worst summer of my life but then i feel like maybe in the long run it will mean more to me than i thought. Its just so hard ending this summer feeling the way i do and then going into my senior year with nothing. i honestly can say that i wish i would have done things so differently. If i would have known all the things i was giving up to get where i am now i would never have done it. Because i have nothing to show for the life style i lived. I dont know how some people do it. Sink so low but then come out on top. I wish i had everything back. I wish that i could rewind a year and then pause it.... i wouldnt want to get any older, i wouldnt want my friends to change, and i wouldnt want anymore responsiblity. Everything was so good then. Now the only place i feel that way is in my dreams. Sleeping kills the pain and the lonely feeling.
Things are slowly getting better its just going to take time. Every night i ask god to help me because right now hes the only thing that makes sence.
alex
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| Every night i cry myself to sleep just thinking about all the things we have shared and all the things we wanted to do in the future together....now all of that is impossible. I thought that our differences is what kept us friends for so long and now its what tears us apart. I also wish that there was a button that could rewind apart of life. I could easily tell you which part of my life i would go back too. I wish so much that things didnt have to be like this. right now my life is hell, and so much of it is because i dont have my best friend to talk to anymore. But i do want you to know that you have been a great friend and i know your mad at me and you have every right to be. i almost want you to be.... and everything that is coming up is going to be hard. i want you to know that you and your family have been nothing but nice to me. I think very differently than my mom but i cant leave her. It really sucks haveing no friends but i still cant leave her. I love you very much. I know that this might mean nothing to what your feeling but wanted you to know anyway.
alex | | |
| ughhh.... the world frustrats me!!! i feel like i havent done any thing fun all summer!! and its just wasting away into the next school year! im always working, which i like but sometimes i feel like im missin out on summer. (but i guess its part of it...i donno.) And then my life is so restricted that its hard to do anything. Sometimes i wish i could just be done with high school already and move on with the rest of my life. i wish i could like move out with no problems and live on my own with money and have a good job....and just be done with rules and the pattern of my life. i dont know i guess i just get bored of it all and need something new in my life...Maybe i just was so excited for summer to begin that im just forgetting to actually start it and im disappointed that its not amazing.... I wish i could be like 10 again when the only thing i had to worry about was what cartoon was on that morning or what game i was goin to play after lunch... instead of how am i goin to get away with it this time or getting on time to work. OR what am im going to do with my life!!! or who am i going to love? And for the first time in awhile...im scared to think about my relationship with god....and maybe if it were better that things would get better... Everything is just sooo crazy right now and i wish the world would just give me a break for one minute....please!
sorry for complaining, actually i dont think anyone reads these anyway...~alex~ | | |
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